you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
