Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
