if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Randomize
