One girl and one boy is just not enough.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
