piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I want to be your penis for a week.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
