i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
