ya dads aren't the best wingmen
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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