I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
