Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
