I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
