You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
