i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
