bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
