Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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