Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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