We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
