yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
