don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
