i think my tv is drunk
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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