its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
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