Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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