Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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