its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Mom said you looked used
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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