so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
