i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
