Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
