break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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