So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
