my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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