Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives�
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I still have a little drunk in my system
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
