Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
