Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
