Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
