im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
