You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
