i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
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