I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
