I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
