youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
