Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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