I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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