Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
