I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
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