i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
