You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Randomize
