The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Randomize
