her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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