So drunk its hurt
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Randomize
