Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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