i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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