I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
The air was thick with penises
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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