I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
